A Second chance

I feel as though I have been given a second chance. Not exactly a redo, but a wake up call. An opportunity to look back on my life and find all of the imperfections that I am not happy with and fix them. The first thing I really need to work on is my health. I want to make sure that I am doing everything I can possibly do so the cancer does not come back. I know, this is crazy talk! I have no control over these "bad cells" forming but in my head, yes I do. I want to make sure to keep calm and stress free, active and healthy. I checked this book out from the library...
http://www.google.com/books?printsec=frontcover&id=g0Fpf0mPXmQC#v=onepage&q&f=falseAnitcancer: A New Way of Life

The guy was diagnosed with Brain Cancer at the age of 31 (I was 30 when I was diagnosed) and it was totally out of the blue (just like mine). Actually, it was just by chance that he volunteered for an MRI when one of their volunteers for a study did not show up. I can relate to all of the feelings and emotions that he expressed in the book. Even down to the guilt that he had when calling people to "break the bad news." When I was first diagnosed, it was the week before Mother's Day. When I was finally able to speak about the diagnosis without getting choked up, it was that Friday or Saturday before Mother's Day. I refused to call most of my family and friends that weekend because it was their special holiday and I felt guilty for telling them that I was diagnosed with cancer and ruin their day.

The book is a really good read, though there is a lot of medical jargon. I skip some of the parts about the studies and statistics... I do not like statistics and strongly believe that no matter what your cancer type, stage, age, etc. you are not a number. Some medical journal with a bunch of numbers in it is not going to determine your fate. You make the decision of how hard you are going to fight and how much faith your are going to have. But the book does talk about a New Way of Life. All of us should be aware of what we put in our bodies and how we live. I need to pay extra attention to what I eat as well. I am not going to turn into a tree hugging, grass eating hippie overnight. No, but I have made a decision to eat local, organic produce to start. Then I will start working on cutting out all of the sugars and other oh so yummy foods that I will miss so much. But I would rather live a long and healthy life with my daughter. I have learned that the green leafy carrot tops are edible and they combat the growth of tumors. Who knew!?! They don't taste very good, but hey I need as much help as I can get so Huzzah for Carrot Greens! I just chopped them up into teeny tiny pieces and threw them in with my mixed green salad. By the way, raw kale tastes awful! But remember, it is crazy healthy for you! It has been linked to lowering your risk for at least five cancers and it has anti-inflammatory benefits (chronic inflammatory = a breeding ground for tumors). I encourage you to look at what you are putting in your bodies. It is better to take preventative measures than trying to fight off something for the rest of your life...

One year just around the corner...

The past few months have been a little hard. Last February was when I first discovered the tumor. Though at that time, I had no idea what it was. I was terrified because I knew what I did not want it to be. The people who were in my life at the time reassured me that there was no way that it was a tumor. I knew that it hurt, a lot. And I knew that whatever it was, it should not be there. I also knew that the nurse practitioner that I was seeing was doing no good so I found another doctor to get a second opinion.
About this time last year, I already had my first MRI and was told that it was a mass. One that must be removed, which meant surgery. Ugh, the only surgery I ever had was to get my wisdom teeth removed. I also heard a word that I refused to Google. Sarcoma. This was the worst case senario. First, they said it was a hematoma, worst case senario it would be a mass. Then they told me that it was a mass, more than likely a collection of fat, worse case senario a Sarcoma. I did not want to know what that meant because it did not sound good.

My first surgery was April 18th, I believe, or somewhere around there. So about this time, I had seen the surgeon and was making preparations for the surgery. Preparing myself mentally, spiritually.  Preparing my daughter of what to expect... Little did I know, that it was just the beginning of a very long journey.

This past year has been a huge test in all aspects. I never thought that I was a strong person, but when you are put in a situation where there is no other choice your true strength shows. I owe it all to Him. I pray daily for strength and for all of my fears to be turned into courage. I ask that He not walk beside me through this journey, but to carry me through it instead. I placed my life in His hands and trusted that He would get me and my family through it. Here I am one year after my first surgery, celebrating Easter with my family. I am truly blessed and I pray that all of you enjoy your many blessings this Easter.