I still don't get to sleep in...

Today I had my 28th treatment. Only two more to go but I was in desperate search of Gel Packs. They are used on burns to help speed the healing process. Unfortunately, Methodist does not carry them. I got a Rx for them but the pharmacy does not carry them either. My mom found an alternative but they cost $70 and that one pack would probably only last about a day. There is no way that I could afford that. So the nurse decided that I would need to go to a wound clinic because the burn is getting worse. I cannot even begin to describe it because it is just so very bad. I did not have as much pain as I did yesterday, but it does still hurt.

The nurse called today with great news! The clinic was able to get me in very quick. The doctor my oncologist referred me to takes four weeks to get in. They said that because of the severity of the burn, I have to start tomorrow - on Christmas Eve... Then I will have to go daily to the clinic. Even on Christmas morning. That sucks! I am not sure but I may be scheduled for physical therapy too because of the swelling, but I will not know for sure until tomorrow. This is not how I planned to spend my Christmas at all! The next three days I was supposed to have a break from radiation. No driving to the medical center, no parking charges. Just sleeping and relaxing, but no...

At least I am all ready for Christmas. I have just one last present to wrap. Then tomorrow I will have lunch with my father and Christmas eve with the family. I am really looking forward to Christmas this year. I had so much fun shopping for my friends and family this year. I may not have been able to go all out, but I wanted them all to know how much they all mean to me and how thankful I am to have them in my life. This year has been horrible for my daughter. She has been through so much. I did go a little crazy for her. Though, I did some amazing price matching and got some really good deals. I hope she enjoys her presents. I cannot wait to see her face on Christmas morning while she opens her gifts! It is going to be so much fun!

It is getting worse

I now only have three more treatments left. These treatments are so much faster than the ones before. The machine is only on for maybe a minute or so. They also put a piece of lead over the broken skin to help protect it. What they did not tell me before was that there are cumulative effects of radiation. So I will continue to feel the effects of radiation for up to seven days after the treatments end. I was not expecting this at all. The area looks absolutely horrible and it is starting to blister like crazy. I am in so much pain! Every four hours I am taking my pain pill and it does not make the pain go away, it just dulls it.

Today my puppy Fiona came running inside and I was not paying attention. She pounced on my leg and I screamed in agony. It was pain like you could not even imagine. Then I was trying to look at my leg to make sure she did not break the skin and I accidentally barely scratched the area with my nail. And I mean barely grazed it. But dear Lord, it felt like I sliced it open with a knife. I was crying in pain! My leg is so swollen too. It feels very tight and like at any moment can pop. I am so glad that I almost done.

I am so glad to have the next four days off from work! I will attempt to take it easy and to stay in bed for as much of these next few days as possible. So ready for Christmas too. I a very excited to see my daughter open her presents!!

it hurts so much!

22 treatments down, 8 to go. And oh Lord, it hurts so much. Yesterday I went to the hospital to get re-simulated for the boost. The last five treatments are going to concentrate on the scar area. They brought in another doctor and agreed that they will use a different machine and the radiation will not go as deep. This is good because they will avoid hitting the bladder and other organs... So now I have even more marks on my leg and little stickers to keep the marks on. Radiation is like getting a horrible sun burn times a friggin million. My leg looks almost black in some areas, really red in others. It is now swollen and the skin started to break today. It itches like CRAZY! Walking is getting difficult because I cannot avoid the rubbing of my clothes on my leg. Not to mention that I am in a crazy frog pose for a good 20-30 minutes for the radiation. So if I sit in one position for too long my hips and lower back start to hurt, so I have to get up and move around. Which brings me back to the it hurts to walk thing. To sum it up, radiation sucks!

What really got me was that I saw a nurse and she was reading my chart. She looked at me and said, "Ah you just had a birthday! Congratulations!!" That caught me off guard... She didn't say happy belated birthday, she said congratulations. For a while I have felt like I kicked cancer's butt. Like hey, I beat this! But every now and then I hear something or see something and I feel like a Cancer patient again, not a survivor taking preventative measures to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Looking back on this year, I cannot believe what I have gone through. Sometimes I think about the day I first found the tumor or the day that I got that phone call that turned my world upside down. I think about all of the tests and doctors. All of my family and friends that stood by my side.  It makes me drop to my knees and thank the Lord for everything that he has done for me and my family. I know that I am not a strong person, but with his help I was able to fight this and keep my sanity. I was able to hold it together when my world was falling apart. Even now, through all the pain of the radiation I do not ask God to take the pain away. I know that for some reason that I will never understand, that this is my cross to bear. I only ask God to help give me the strength and courage to work through the pain and to continue to carry me through my journey. I am so very grateful that I have a the wonderful support of my family and friends. Last night I started to cry and my daughter came and gave me a pep talk and prayed that God will help me through this last leg of my treatments. I am so lucky to have her. I cannot wait until the day that I am healed and ready to walk in the relay for life as a Survivor!

Halfway done with radiation!

I completed treatment number thirteen today! Originally I thought I was going to do 30 treatments, but the doctor said that I am only doing 25. I am officially half way done! So very excited. This means that I should be done with my treatments the week before Christmas and what a Christmas present that will be!! The treatments are getting much easier. So far I am right on mark the first time they scan, so I do not have to go through two ct scans. That helps a lot. I even fell asleep a couple of times during treatment too.

My hair is growing back!! I have eyelashes and eyebrows. And I have this Ripley hairstyle going on... It is kinda cool though. I have always seen these ladies shave their head for a roll. Alien3, Empire Records... Always thought it would be neat to try but never had the guts to actually do it. Now I get to see my hair grow in and I will get to try all the crazy short hair styles that I never had the guts to do. I also have the courage to go outside without the scarf or wig. Well, I was out for Black Friday and was SO HOT! I could not stand the scarf so off it went. Then I realized people didn't stare at me as much as I thought they would. And the plus side was that most of the people got out of my way or tried to help me during the black friday sale - bonus! Even at my girl scout meeting, the girls did not even flinch. It is nice to know that I do not have to hide behind a scarf.