I still don't get to sleep in...

Today I had my 28th treatment. Only two more to go but I was in desperate search of Gel Packs. They are used on burns to help speed the healing process. Unfortunately, Methodist does not carry them. I got a Rx for them but the pharmacy does not carry them either. My mom found an alternative but they cost $70 and that one pack would probably only last about a day. There is no way that I could afford that. So the nurse decided that I would need to go to a wound clinic because the burn is getting worse. I cannot even begin to describe it because it is just so very bad. I did not have as much pain as I did yesterday, but it does still hurt.

The nurse called today with great news! The clinic was able to get me in very quick. The doctor my oncologist referred me to takes four weeks to get in. They said that because of the severity of the burn, I have to start tomorrow - on Christmas Eve... Then I will have to go daily to the clinic. Even on Christmas morning. That sucks! I am not sure but I may be scheduled for physical therapy too because of the swelling, but I will not know for sure until tomorrow. This is not how I planned to spend my Christmas at all! The next three days I was supposed to have a break from radiation. No driving to the medical center, no parking charges. Just sleeping and relaxing, but no...

At least I am all ready for Christmas. I have just one last present to wrap. Then tomorrow I will have lunch with my father and Christmas eve with the family. I am really looking forward to Christmas this year. I had so much fun shopping for my friends and family this year. I may not have been able to go all out, but I wanted them all to know how much they all mean to me and how thankful I am to have them in my life. This year has been horrible for my daughter. She has been through so much. I did go a little crazy for her. Though, I did some amazing price matching and got some really good deals. I hope she enjoys her presents. I cannot wait to see her face on Christmas morning while she opens her gifts! It is going to be so much fun!

It is getting worse

I now only have three more treatments left. These treatments are so much faster than the ones before. The machine is only on for maybe a minute or so. They also put a piece of lead over the broken skin to help protect it. What they did not tell me before was that there are cumulative effects of radiation. So I will continue to feel the effects of radiation for up to seven days after the treatments end. I was not expecting this at all. The area looks absolutely horrible and it is starting to blister like crazy. I am in so much pain! Every four hours I am taking my pain pill and it does not make the pain go away, it just dulls it.

Today my puppy Fiona came running inside and I was not paying attention. She pounced on my leg and I screamed in agony. It was pain like you could not even imagine. Then I was trying to look at my leg to make sure she did not break the skin and I accidentally barely scratched the area with my nail. And I mean barely grazed it. But dear Lord, it felt like I sliced it open with a knife. I was crying in pain! My leg is so swollen too. It feels very tight and like at any moment can pop. I am so glad that I almost done.

I am so glad to have the next four days off from work! I will attempt to take it easy and to stay in bed for as much of these next few days as possible. So ready for Christmas too. I a very excited to see my daughter open her presents!!

it hurts so much!

22 treatments down, 8 to go. And oh Lord, it hurts so much. Yesterday I went to the hospital to get re-simulated for the boost. The last five treatments are going to concentrate on the scar area. They brought in another doctor and agreed that they will use a different machine and the radiation will not go as deep. This is good because they will avoid hitting the bladder and other organs... So now I have even more marks on my leg and little stickers to keep the marks on. Radiation is like getting a horrible sun burn times a friggin million. My leg looks almost black in some areas, really red in others. It is now swollen and the skin started to break today. It itches like CRAZY! Walking is getting difficult because I cannot avoid the rubbing of my clothes on my leg. Not to mention that I am in a crazy frog pose for a good 20-30 minutes for the radiation. So if I sit in one position for too long my hips and lower back start to hurt, so I have to get up and move around. Which brings me back to the it hurts to walk thing. To sum it up, radiation sucks!

What really got me was that I saw a nurse and she was reading my chart. She looked at me and said, "Ah you just had a birthday! Congratulations!!" That caught me off guard... She didn't say happy belated birthday, she said congratulations. For a while I have felt like I kicked cancer's butt. Like hey, I beat this! But every now and then I hear something or see something and I feel like a Cancer patient again, not a survivor taking preventative measures to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Looking back on this year, I cannot believe what I have gone through. Sometimes I think about the day I first found the tumor or the day that I got that phone call that turned my world upside down. I think about all of the tests and doctors. All of my family and friends that stood by my side.  It makes me drop to my knees and thank the Lord for everything that he has done for me and my family. I know that I am not a strong person, but with his help I was able to fight this and keep my sanity. I was able to hold it together when my world was falling apart. Even now, through all the pain of the radiation I do not ask God to take the pain away. I know that for some reason that I will never understand, that this is my cross to bear. I only ask God to help give me the strength and courage to work through the pain and to continue to carry me through my journey. I am so very grateful that I have a the wonderful support of my family and friends. Last night I started to cry and my daughter came and gave me a pep talk and prayed that God will help me through this last leg of my treatments. I am so lucky to have her. I cannot wait until the day that I am healed and ready to walk in the relay for life as a Survivor!

Halfway done with radiation!

I completed treatment number thirteen today! Originally I thought I was going to do 30 treatments, but the doctor said that I am only doing 25. I am officially half way done! So very excited. This means that I should be done with my treatments the week before Christmas and what a Christmas present that will be!! The treatments are getting much easier. So far I am right on mark the first time they scan, so I do not have to go through two ct scans. That helps a lot. I even fell asleep a couple of times during treatment too.

My hair is growing back!! I have eyelashes and eyebrows. And I have this Ripley hairstyle going on... It is kinda cool though. I have always seen these ladies shave their head for a roll. Alien3, Empire Records... Always thought it would be neat to try but never had the guts to actually do it. Now I get to see my hair grow in and I will get to try all the crazy short hair styles that I never had the guts to do. I also have the courage to go outside without the scarf or wig. Well, I was out for Black Friday and was SO HOT! I could not stand the scarf so off it went. Then I realized people didn't stare at me as much as I thought they would. And the plus side was that most of the people got out of my way or tried to help me during the black friday sale - bonus! Even at my girl scout meeting, the girls did not even flinch. It is nice to know that I do not have to hide behind a scarf.

So thankful

I know it has been a while but here we go...

I went to the doctor that Monday after my scan. It was a horribly long wait! But my results came back and I am cancer free. I love hearing those words! I will have to get scans done every four months for the first year. Then after that they get farther apart. I still have the port a cath in my chest, which sucks! The doctor said that we can talk about taking it out after my radiation is over with. I have to get it flushed out every month and it had been exactly one month that day. So after my visit with the doctor, I went downstairs to get it flushed again. Now, the last few times I have had my port accessed I had this numbing cream that I would apply 30 minutes before and I would not feel a thing. I did not have that luxury this time. I felt the needle go in and I yelped in pain! I am glad that I only have to do that once a month...

I started radiation that next week. The first day I was so nervous. I had a general idea of what to expect only because I had seen some pictures online and I had talked to a few people. Well, when I go to the room, I was completely thrown off guard. I was under the impression that I would lay on a table and the machine would be positioned over me. They did not tell me that it was tunnel similar to the Pet scan! My heart was racing, I did not have my pills that I take for the MRI machine that calm me down... I asked how long I was going to be in the tunnel and they said 40 minutes. So not prepared!! I was thinking this was going to take 5-10 minutes. Once I finally calmed down and they got me into position, they blasted music in the tunnel so I couldn't hear the machine. They assured me that there were cameras all over the room and that if I needed anything they would stop the machine and come in. First they put me in for a CT scan to make sure that I am laying in the right position. This lasts about two songs. Then it takes me out but my head is still in but if everything is good, I go back in for 13 minutes of radiation. The doctor said that I am going to have 30 treatments and so far I have had eight. It is getting easier now. Most of the time I hit the mark. I have only had to be repositioned one time. I also bring my iPod so I can hear my play list and not get stuck hearing 13 minutes of Creed like that first day.

The side effects are not that bad. I am tired, but no different than when I was on chemo. I have hyperpigmentation. Basically means I am REALLY tan now, haha. They gave me a cream to use and I was expecting this crazy expensive prescription cream. Nope. They gave me Aquaphor from Eucerin. It isn't hurting yet. My friend was in crazy pain with hers, but hopefully with this type of radiation it won't be that bad...

Thanksgiving was great! I had so much to be thankful for. When I first started my chemo treatments, they told me I may still be on chemo during November. This upset me so much because if I was on chemo during Thanksgiving, I would not get to eat my normal dinner. I was so thankful to be done with chemo and able to enjoy my dinner with my family and friends! I cannot believe what a crazy year I have had. But through it all I am so thankful that I am closer to God and my family.

waiting sucks

This has been one crazy week. Wednesday I was scheduled for my simulation for radiation. This is when you get a CT Scan and they make a mold of your body for the radiation. I had not seen the doctor since I was first diagnosed, so we did another consult first. He explained that since they removed the tumor, I could opt not to have the radiation. Though, he spoke with my oncologist and they highly recommend doing the radiation because the risks are too high for it to come back. I opted to do the radiation. The doctor said that he was trying to get this other type of radiation approved by my insurance but he was not having any luck. With the standard radiation, they would more than likely hit my bone and the muscle. This will deteriorate them and I will lose some more function of the muscle and possibly have a fracture in the future. The type of radiation that they are trying to get approved will be less invasive but still effective. Just a few hours after I left, the insurance approved the radiation. So, I was on my way again to have the mold made on Thursday morning. It was so very embarrassing! They frogged my legs out into this crazy position and of course a guy was one of the techs. Then after all was done they had to take pictures! I wanted to crawl into a hole... But I did see one of the patients that I did chemo with. It was nice to see them, I was wondering how he was doing. He gave me a run down of what to expect.

Then Friday came and it was time for my Pet/Ct scan. I knew what to expect because I had one done in May. So I waited my 45 minutes after the injection and was ready to go. Though I forgot how long the scan takes. I was in the tunnel for a while and it was really quite. You can hardly tell if the machine is going. I looked at the room where the tech is supposed to be and he was not there. Panic started to set in. I tried to calm myself down. I told my self that it was alright, nothing to worry about. If anything was wrong I could just shimmy on out of this tunnel. Then I remember that I was strapped in. My heart started to race and still no sign of the tech. I called out his name, three times. Nothing. Then I got this horrible thought of the machine malfunctioning and the table starting to raise with me strapped in and getting squished. Finally the tech came in and told me that everything was fine. Although they received a message that I was not to go home. I had to go straight to the hospital for a procedure. Even more panic set in at that point. Finally the machine moved and I was closer to the end of the tunnel, but I was worried.

Once the scan was done, I checked my phone and had so many messages. Apparently, the mold that was made the day prior broke in transit. I could breathe. I had to go back to get molded again. Of course, I was thinking they saw something in the CT scan. So off again to get my mold made. It was the exact same workers too, so yet another embarrassing moment. In two days, I have had three CT scans and one Pet. I go in tomorrow afternoon to get the results from my Pet/CT scan. My nerves have been so rattled! I have gone from being confident to scared and crying my eyes out back to confident. I am on an emotional roller coaster! I ran into a survivor today. He mentioned that he sometimes forgets that he is a cancer survivor until he sees someone going through it or hears about the relay for life. I also saw a video about a survivor that sometimes forgets what it was like to be bald. I can't wait for the day that I can say that... But right now I ask for prayers. Please pray that my the results from my scan come back normal and cancer free!

Update.

It has been a while since my last post! So, I have now finished my chemotherapy! <happy happy joy joy happy happy joy!> The last round was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. It just seemed like it took forever for Friday to come. Then at last Friday came and it was time to ring the bell...

Ring this bell

three times well

The toll to clearly say

my treatment's done

this course is run

and I am on my way.

Cheesy I know, but when everyone gathered around me and cheered me on - the nurses, the ladies at the front desk, my mom and aunt, and some patients, rather, friends I made along the way. It was very touching. My daughter made me wear a tiara because I was the chemo princess. They all got a kick out of it. 

The next two week was crappy. I was throwing up like crazy and in pain. But I got through it. Now I have a very thin layer of peach fuzz growing on my head. My eyebrows are slowly starting to grow back, enough so I can follow the line to draw them in.

Tomorrow I will get mapped out for radiation. This is where they draw the marks on. I am nervous about this. It has been nice these last few weeks not having any treatments lined up. Just being able to rest. Radiation will last for 6 - 8 weeks.  Then on Friday, I will have another PET/CT scan.

I just started back to school. It was nice having so much free time! I sure am going to miss laying on the couch and being a bum - lol.  



Last round just around the corner

I cannot believe that I am already up for round six. This has been the hardest journey I have ever been through and here I am. I feel great, well tired, but better than I have for a while. This weekend was good. I fought a low grade fever, but it never went above 99.5. I was in crazy pain Thursday and Friday. Saturday we celebrated my Aunts birthday and I was able to eat an entire normal meal. By Sunday I was back to normal. I even went grocery shopping, by myself which is something that I have not done in months. I shopped, put everything away and made a lasagna for dinner. Though, due to the chemo brain I forgot how to layer it once I started and used way more cheese than I should have. But I felt normal.

I have been so worried about this next round. Hopefully, it will be my last. Then I will get another Pet/CT scan and then I can start radiation. In May when all this was starting the journey of chemo seemed so long! The doctor said that it would be 4 - 6 months of chemo, depending if I could hand the 21 days apart or if I would have to do 28 days apart. The one thing that tore me up was that my Thanksgiving day dinner was going to be ruined because of the chemo. And now that I am coming up to this sixth round, it is hard to believe that I am at the tail end now. I just want my life back, I want to feel normal. I know that radiation will be more hectic than the chemo, but at least my hair will start growing back. I miss my eyebrows so much. I think that I will actually look forward to go to the center on monday to start this next round...

Hot Flashes suck...

So now the hot flashes have been coming more and more. It feels like I am standing on the surface of the sun. My cheeks get all rosy and I start sweating. It will last for a bit and then of course because I am sweaty, I start getting cold. I can't find that happy medium. It has made sleeping so uncomfortable because I am constantly taking clothes and then having to put them back on. It sucks! I asked the nurse today if that was normal and she said yes. The chemo can make you go into an early menopause. So the hot flashes and mood swings are all very normal. Like I didn't have enough to go through, then something else gets thrown in the mix.

My mouth finally started to feel better, for like a day. It was still irritated from the last round of chemo. Then for most of the day it felt fine. But now it is starting to get a little irritated. It's not that bad, but I know its coming. I feel pretty good though, aside from the crazy hot flashes and being tired. I sleep through the treatment and on the way home. Then I eat and get into bed to sleep some more. Also making sure that I am chugging that water. I don't want to get dehydrated again, so I am really on top of my water this time around...

Hope Finds you...

After a very scary stay in the hospital, I spent the next week avoiding crowds and hiding behind a surgical mask. Just hoping that my counts are high enough to start chemo on Monday and secretly wishing that I get another week to recover. I slept most of the weekend. Evelyn has been worrying herself sick. The doctor keeps ordering tests and they keep coming back normal. That means that she has stressed out so much that she has given herself acid reflux. Which makes me feel horrible.

I was so nervous today. I told the nurses at the Cancer center about my stay in the hospital. She looked up my labs from last week and was not happy that they let me go with my counts still low. She began to prep me to access my port and we talked about what happened. She told me that it was normal for that to happen, because I am taking a very aggressive chemo. She said that my body is not to be blamed, that the chemo is just very strong and I am already starting my fifth round so it is the accumulative effects. Then she could not find my port. Apparently it has shifted down a little bit. Again, she said it was normal but it scared the heck out of me. She was able to find it and access it with no problem. I put the magic cream on it and did not feel it at all. I waited for the blood work to come back and for the nurse to call the doctor. They said the counts were high enough to start the chemo.

After my treatment, I was starving. I slept through the whole thing. My aunt took me to the 59 Diner and I devoured my food. Guess my appetite is back, because I ate my entire meal. When we were leaving the lady in the booth next to us stopped me. She told me good luck with my treatments and that I looked very pretty. Keep in mind that I have my accessed port showing, no make up and my scarf made out of a t-shirt. She told me that she knew what I was going through and that this is the hardest thing that I will ever have to go through, but not to worry that I will get through it. She is a 10 year breast cancer survivor and she is writing a book. I told her that I have a blog and how it helps to write it out. She told me that I looked really good for what I am going through and I said that I have a nine year old at home that I am fighting for. She was a single mom too when she was going through her treatments. I have been feeling really down the last few weeks and have been trying to think positive thoughts about these last two rounds. It is amazing how when hope seems to be running low, it finds you. This time completely unexpected in a diner across town. I got in the car and was close to crying. She told me that soon I will be the one telling my survival story to someone who needs to hear it. So now with hope renewed, I am ready to face my fifth round of chemo.

A not so happy holiday weekend...

As some of you know, I spent the holiday weekend in the hospital. I started to feel the Neulasta shot on Thursday. That was our first Troop meeting for Girl Scouts. I led the meeting and came back home. Then the next day I was in pain. The throbbing in my back was really starting to hurt so they let me go home early. I got off just in time to stop by the school to meet Evelyn for lunch. I was not able to eat with her because my mouth hurt, but I sat with her. The next morning it started... I could not get warm for anything. Then I took my temperature three times and each time was higher than the first. I think it got up to 101.5 when the oncologist returned our page. He said that he did not like what he was hearing. He wanted me to go to the emergency room and prepare to stay in the hospital for a couple of days. Once I got to the hospital my fever went down a little but my heart rate was racing. My brother works for Life Flight, so of course we were name dropping every chance we got. My daughter even brought a magazine from the hospital that has a picture of my brother and she would tell the nurses, "Look, this is my Uncle." They kicked a guy out of a private room in the ER so that I could have it, which I felt really bad because he ended up on a gurney in the hallway. I had bilateral IVs and they started with blood work and cultures. Then they started pumping me full of fluid and antibiotics. I ended up having a reaction to one of the antibiotics because I started to feel really itchy and I got red splotches. They finally got me up to a room upstairs and it just so happened to be the room from when I stayed for my first round of chemo. The nurse came in and he told me that the ER nurse told him that I was family of Life Flight, which makes me VIP. He was able to take one of the IVs out, because they only needed one. But they continued to pump me with fluids and antibiotics. My nurse was really nice. He reminded me of a younger Mr. Hennip, my daughters third grade teacher. I think he was my nurse for one day the last time I was there.

The next day my cultures were negative but they had to wait 48 hours for them to grow. They also came in to give me a blood thinner because they did not want a clot to form and my potassium was low, so they started me on that. The doctor came in and told me that my red blood count was very low. My level was at a 7 and it should have been at a 13. They were going to transfuse two units of blood. This scared the heck out of me, but it had to be done. I think I was in denial of how bad it actually was, because my echo cardiogram came back normal. By this time my fever was gone. I thought it was all a little overkill. Seeing the blood go in was crazy. I am so used to seeing it go out, not coming in. I was so scared and very stressed out. That night I did not sleep very well at all. The doctor came to see me the next day and he wanted to keep me another day, but the oncologist said that I was ready to be discharged. As soon as I heard that, I was packed up, changed and ready to go. I just wanted to take a long shower, get in my pajamas and sleep in my own bed.

Stupid charlie horses...

I had a horrible night last night. I have not had my shot yet and I am already starting to feel sore. I feel like a rag doll that has been thrown around. I had a hard time getting comfortable last night, and then in the middle of the night I had the worst charlie horse in the history of all charlie horses. I was in tears, it hurt so bad and I could not work it out for nothing. Then the pain and cramping went down to my foot and my foot started cramping up like crazy. It was horrible. I woke up this morning and it still hurt, I had to limp around. Now it is time for shrinky dinks with my baby girl...

Where have all the days gone?

I slept through them. This round has left me so very exhausted! I sleep on the way to the cancer center, then I sleep through the pre-meds and doxo. Then I sleep on the way home and then crawl into bed only to sleep the night away... I do not think I have ever slept this much before. It's crazy! I am just wondering how bad it is going to get this time. My gums are starting to get irritated and my throat was a little sore this afternoon. I was feeling very nauseated going into the treatment today, but it went away and I thought that getting the pre-meds which include Zofran would help. Then the ride home came and I could not fight it any more. I puked my brains out. I hate throwing up, it always makes me cry. Not sure why but it does. It's like a crazy release. My taste buds are off too. It's weird, some things are way too salty and some things I can barely taste at all. This is the last bag of round four. It should be done around noon tomorrow. I am so ready to get disconnected and take a long warm shower. Then only two more rounds left.

I have daily readings that I have been reading through this round. The reading for today was saying that God has a plan for everyone. That you must accept His Will. He knows more about what you need than you do. That you should be just as ready to experience suffering as to have joy, just as glad to be poor and needy as to be well off. I am trying to remind myself that everything I am experiencing now will only help me to grow to the person that I am supposed to be...

day one of round four...

The first day of chemo is the most nerve wracking. I have to willingly drive up to the center and wait for them to jab a needle into a port in my chest and start pumping me full of poison. I get really nervous on the drive up and my tummy starts to hurt. I have to take a xanex as part of my pre-meds. The last round they upped my dose from .5 to 1, which was Way too much. This time I cut them in half. I also have a lidocaine cream that I put on my port on the way up there. I sat waiting in the lobby for maybe an hour, not quite sure. Then they finally had a chair but it took a while for them to finally access my port. I had a different girl this time, she was pretty good. She talked to me through the whole thing asking how work was going. With the lidocane cream it I can barely feel the prick of the needle and she got a good blood return. It was better than the last access, so I was happy. Then I have to wait for them to process my blood work to make sure that my counts are good to start. When they start the pre-meds, I start feeling kinda loopy and I knock out. My aunt said that I was sleeping with my mouth all hanging open. I think I woke up in time for them to start the doxo, but then I was out again. Then before I knew it they had my pump hooked up and it was time to go. Which I slept the whole way home and then crawled into bed for more sleep. Now I have woken up only to remember that I have a 900 word business law paper due by 2am and I have no idea how I am going to pull that one off...

Round Four

Tomorrow I am scheduled to start round four of chemo. I am really starting to get sick of this. When I first started this the Doctor said that the first two rounds would be the easy rounds, the third would be harder and the fourth, fifth and sixth will see the cumulative side effects. The last leg of the marathon when it is harder and you get more tired. I am not excited to start this next round. The last round kicked me pretty hard. But I have medications to help with the acid reflux this time, so hopefully it will not be a problem. I have been praying for more strength to get through this next round. That the pre-meds work better this time.

Looking back the first two rounds were not that bad. Don't get me wrong, chemo friggin sucks. But the side effects were not horribly bad. I know what the doctor said, but I was surprised at how well I was doing. Then that third round came and the side effects took me by surprise. I was not expecting to feel that bad and for so long. The healing process took longer than the first two rounds. I think I stupidly began to believe that the rounds were not going to be that bad. So now, I am a little worried to see how the next couple of weeks are going to go... But once I get through these next five days, I will only have two rounds left.

Round three update

This last round hit me really hard. During the chemo treatments I started getting acid reflux. This is not something that I would have to deal with prior to my treatments. I began taking Pepcid and continued the next week after my round ended. I also had to deal with very bad nausea. They changed my nausea meds to Zofran which I love! The stuff works great. But the acid reflux continued to get worse. It started to get harder and harder to eat and even drink. Ramen noodles felt like a brick going down and cold water felt like glass. And I could feel it going all the way down... It was horrible. My mouth was also very irritated. I was afraid that I may have a mouth sore. Finally it got to the point where I had to call the doctor. He was afraid that I may have a sore that was not yet infected but close to it. He also though my blood count was getting too low, so I had to go in for blood work and a check up. That night I had a low grade fever, which I had to monitor through the night. It scared me. Turns out, it was a really bad case of acid reflux. He had me start carafate, a liquid that should work better than pepcid. He was going to give me until Monday and if it did not get better, then I will have to see a GI doctor.

Luckily this medication worked wonders! I can eat and drink now. Though the med is so expensive, I asked if I could try the pill form instead. Hopefully it will work through the next round of treatments because I really do not want to see a GI doctor and have a scope put down my throat. I can't believe how hard this last round was. I lost ten pounds in one week, it's crazy. During the first two rounds, this week I would be back to somewhat normal. Now, my mouth is still sore, I just started eating normally on Sunday and that is still not "normal". I am a little worried to see how the next round will be. Yes, I have better nausea and reflux meds, but what next? The one good thing was that the Neulasta shot did not hurt as much this time, only had to take one pain pill.

Round 4 of chemo is scheduled to start on Monday. On one hand I am so tired and not ready to start another round. On the other, I want to hurry up and get next week over with. Then I will be closer to the finish line.

Round Three coming up

Tomorrow I am scheduled to start round three. Sooner than last time, I know. The cancer center scheduled me at day 17 instead of day 21. They will have to check my blood count before they start the chemo, but if the count is good should be okay. I am so nervous. My stomach is a little upset and my emotions are all over the place. I hate this, it sucks. But after these next four days, I will be half way done with the chemo treatments. Time feels like it is going so fast, but at the same time too slow. I wish I was done already. In all honesty, the last two rounds have not been that bad. I just hope they stay that way. The oncologist agreed that an 18 hour push was too fast. I think we are going to try 22 or 20 hours, I can't remember. I also mentioned how sore and irritated my gums get after treatment, but he said all looked good in my mouth, no sores. I haven't lost all my hair yet. I still have the hair on my arms, though I have not had to worry about shaving my legs for a while. Still have some stubble of hair the top of my head, but my eyebrows and eyelashes are starting to go. They are getting really thin.
I feel bad for my daughter. I hate that I have to put her through this. I feel bad because she doesn't have a normal mom. Instead she has to deal with a bald, emotional, sick mom. She walked in on me crying and she told me, "hey, at least you got it out early. it's going to be alright." And then she just sat there hugging me. So, I have been praying for strength all day.

It's only four days...

My New 'Do...

I have a wonderful group of family and friends. They chipped in and donated money to help me buy a wig and pay for bills. I am so lucky to have them! Yesterday, I took a trip down to League City to Becky's Wigs.They had so many wigs there!! I sat down and they started working, pulling all sorts of wigs all different colors and styles. I was not happy to find out how long my hair will take to grow back. That was not what I wanted to hear. I found a cute long wig, but it was very expensive and the maintenance of a long wig was more than I wanted. Then I was able to narrow it down to two styles that I liked. It was so hard to pick between the two, but I was finally able to make up my mind. They also had the sleeping hats so I got one of those too. The ladies were so nice there and very helpful. I recommend it to anyone in need of a cranial prosthesis. It was a bit weird to walk into the store with a hat on and then to walk out with hair. At church everyone knows I lost my hair, they looked at me and smiled. Told me that they liked my hair. One little old lady asked how I was doing, told me that I looked really good and then loudly said, "I like your wig!" It was very comical. I am still afraid that I will bend down and come back up with my wig askew. Definitely staying away from York Peppermint Patties...

almost done.

I am almost done with round two. Fighting nausea right now. The coke and saltines helped a little bit, but it is starting to come back. Getting a headache too. Other than that I am so tired. It is hard to wake up in the morning, and trying to get through work has been hard. Today a representative from the American Cancer Society was at the cancer center today. She was really nice. She gave me a hat made by STAR, stiching to assist recovery, from the catholic church St. Rose of Lima. It is a cute hat. She also gave me a wig, a cheap wig, but hey it was free. I still have not made it out to the wig shop, they sure do not make it easy for people that work to buy wigs. The one she gave me looks nice, I probably need to get the bangs trimmed and it has been smooshed in a plastic bag. So, it needs help. As I was walking to the back to get my vitals taken, they were walking the healing dogs out. I missed the puppies. Mom saw them though, they had a full size poodle and one that looked like Fiona, my pom-chi, but two sizes bigger. It is so nice that they have these things for the patients and that there are volunteers giving their time to sit and talk to us. It means so much and another reminder that we are not alone. Today I met someone with stage four colon cancer. He is done with chemo treatments, but is going through another treatment. His keeps coming back in different parts of the body. The thing that got me, was that the whole time he was sitting there telling me his story, he was smiling. The smile never left his face, even when he was telling me things that I wanted to cringe at, he was smiling. It makes you look at things in another light...

The support of survivors.

Last night I was really nervous with the pump. It is cool because I get to be home, but they stopped having the 24 hour nurse line because nobody was calling for help. I was so nervous that something was going to go wrong at night. Honestly, I got more sleep with the pump than from that IV stand at the hospital. Today I was able to go in to work then head off to my appointment. Good thing I didn't try to get there earlier because it took an hour just to get a chair. In the waiting room I met Gabe. He is a volunteer and an eight year cancer survivor. I was able to chat with him and talk about my experiences so far. It was nice because he has been there, he knows the challenges and fears that I am facing and went through them personally. I was able to sit and joke with him about some of the things that I am finding out along the way. Then another person would tell their story. It's like a mini support group. So I finally got to the back and into a chair and had a nice view of the fish tank. The premeds and doxo went by fast once they had me hooked up. Then another bag in my pump and I was good to go. I slept all the way back to work and was able to work for a couple more hours. Not too bad! Felt a little nausea this morning, but thankfully it didn't last long.

Access denied.

My appointment was at 1030 this morning. I was so nervous. I worked for 2 and a half hours and then made my way up to the cancer center. Did my vitals and weight. Then was taken back. It was not what I expected at all. There were reclining chairs all over the place. People were all crammed together. I my half circle, there was a lady that was battling cancer for the third time and her hubby, two ladies that didn't speak English and a young man that had a blood disorder. Then it was time to access the port. They first gave me a xanex and then asked if I wanted to wait for the cream to numb the area. I said no, just get it over with. Come to find out the lady was still in orientation and was an RN that went from oncology to home health and is now back in oncology. Not extremely seasoned with accessing a port. She pushed the needle in and it hurt, alot. Then she pushed the saline and pulled back for a blood return and it hurt worse. I told them something was wrong, that it really hurt. It felt nothing like the first time and that was a fresh port. Then the other nurse tried and disconnected it. He said one, that she could have missed the port, two, the line could be pinched between my clavicle and rib or three, both. They put the lidocane cream on it and waited for that and my xanex to kick in some more. I was so scared, I had tears streaming down my face. I was afraid that I went through all of that to have the port installed and it quit working after the first treatment. So then the other nurse attempted. I didn't feel a thing going in, and the blood return was good. I had to take deep breaths, so it may have been pinched.

Then they started my premeds all mixed in one bag. This made drift off in the clouds. Once that ended, they started the doxo (the red bag). The ladies thought it was neat that I get a red bag. I did not. I slept through the doxo and woke up hungry, but just in time to learn about my new pump. They told me what to do, the different error messages and the most important thing - do not panic! It should be done tomorrow around 930. This sucks. They are changing it from  a 24 hour push to a 18 hour push. I am feeling a little nausea which can happen when they push it too fast. And oh yes, it is in a fanny pack.I have my very own fanny pack that I can bling out if my little heart desires.

Going from Anxious to Nervous.

At first I was ready, I just wanted to get this next round started. The sooner it is started the sooner it will be over. Now, my tummy is a nervous wreck. The doc said, that if round one is good - then round two should be good. I can't believe it is already time to start the next round. I hope it continues to move along like this. But round two will be a little different and I think that is what makes me nervous. Yes, I get to do this outpatient. I get to come home and sleep in my own bed, even attempt to work as much as this allows. But I am not going to be in the hospital. That is what is freaking me out. If the pump starts beeping in the middle of the night, I can't push the nurse button and have someone come to fix it. I can't call on room service to bring me peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and jello. Though, it will be nice not to hear the lady in the next room screaming and moaning at all hours of the night. I am nervous though. I was looking on YouTube for scarf tips and I ran across these videos on a Canadian comedian who was diagnosed with breast cancer at 36. She video taped her journey through chemo. I laughed mostly, cried just a bit but I know that I can get through this. And even though I am going through something that is so hard emotionally and physically, it could be worse. Her website is www.chem-ho.com yup she's single, lol. But to see someone going through the treatments, laughing and cracking jokes, was very helpful.

On another note, I am the proud new owner of a small scarf collection thanks to one of the ladies at my church. Most of them are smaller, like a fancy bandanna. I will have to YouTube more ways to tie a bandanna. And they mostly look like they are from the 70s, very much vintage! I was also trying to line out my wardrobe for this week. Because of the chemo sweating out of the body, I have to be able to wash everything in hot water. So thanks to sterfry05 on YouTube, I have made some scarves out of shirts that I found on sale. That way if they get messed up no worries, they weren't that expensive and are easier to wash. I am working with this, trying to roll with the punches, make lemonade and all that jazz...

Preparing for the next round.

With the next round coming up, I thought I should tidy up a bit around my room. That way I don't have to worry about cleaning with a pump attached. I came across the Health Manager folder they gave me when I was in the hospital. It is from the American Cancer Society. Inside there is so much information about cancer in general, your treatments, pain management, diet - everything. I also have the printouts of my medications that tell you about the drugs and their side effects. I looked through the information, some of it for the first time. I thought I should at least read over the medication info since I am starting the next round on Monday. But the cancer info is what got me. It made me cry. I was so mad that I had to sit there and read this information. I was mad that I have to go through this. I was scared about what lies ahead. I missed my hair. And every time I move I can feel the tube that runs from the port. Then it made me mad that I was sitting there mad, scared and crying letting this little medical folder get me down. I am trying so hard not to dwell on the situation. To have a positive outlook and to be able to joke about my new hair style or lack thereof.  To wake up thankful for everyday that God has given me. To tell my little girl how much I love her everyday. And to be thankful that even though I am in the situation that I am in, the tumor is out and I am handling the chemo very well.

Next round coming up.

I went to the oncologist today and got a very good report! He was very pleased at how my body took to the chemo. My blood count did go down, but nothing lower than a lower normal, if that makes sense. He said that the first round is always the hardest because they do not know how the body will react to the medication. But if the first round goes smooth, then the second should too. It isn't until the fifth and sixth that you start seeing the cumulative effects. My next round will start on Monday and it will be done out patient. I will be fitted with a pump and will have to come in every day for a new bag. I should be able to work while doing my treatment. This will be much better than stuck in the hospital for a week. I feel like this is going at a nice steady pace. The 21 days have gone by pretty quick and I am already ready to start round two. A little nervous about the pump issue, that will be a bit weird at first. Though he ensured me that it is completely safe.

Had a hard time this morning with the scarf. Instead of bad hair days it will be bad scarf days, haha! I hate that everyone looks at me and then gives me that look of pity. That will be something that is hard to get used to...

Bald is Beautiful

What an emotional weekend. On Saturday I had another clump of hair fall out and was left with very little hair. I made my mind up, I was headed to the barbershop. I walked in to this shop with my mom, my aunt and my kid. There were five guys working and a full waiting area. I asked how long the wait would be and they started saying really late times. Then the one in the middle says, "All I see are girls, where are the dudes at?" But he said all getto like. So I looked at him, and choked up. Holding back the tears, "I'm going through chemo and I need someone to cut my hair." He told me that he would do it next. The guys got up to let us sit. I waited and it was so hard. Then once I got in the chair, he asked if I wanted to keep my hair. I held my breath as he started. Then he took the little hair I had left and gave it to my mom. As he worked he asked about my diagnosis. We are the same age. My mom and aunt cried, but my daughter was giving me a thumbs up. It is so wierd. But I found that I was not prepared for a bald head. I had no clue how to tie a scarf, let alone where to buy one. All of the wig stores were closed. I finally found some, but I didn't know how to tie it, I looked like a pirate. Thank god for YouTube. She talked about having fun with your new look. I have improved in my scarf tying and am learning how to accesorize with big earrings and flower clips. At night it is so cold! I have been sleeping in a sponge bob knit cap to keep warm. I am getting more comfortable seeing myself with no hair. I still don't like it, but shower time is much faster now. I know that I still have a long journey ahead, but I feel like I jumped over a huge hurdle and have come such a long way.

Another dustpan full of hair...

I had no idea how much hair I actually had. It is crazy seeing the amounts of hair that is coming out. So last night I wore one of those stocking hats to bed. You know the kind that looks like you are wearing your mamma's knee high. Yeah, it was not a pretty sight. I looked like a wanna be thug that just wasn't getting the look down, haha. And they are so small! I told my mom as I was trying to get it on my head without pulling more hair out, "does this come in a queen size?" lol... Though it did help. I only had a few strands on my pillow. Most of the hair was stuck in the hat and not all over my bed. This morning I just leaned over and brushed out the loose strands and swept it up. Hardly no tears! I wore a cute bandanna and was alright. It is funny though because I have a bald spot on the back of my head like the little babies. And my head is so cold! I have been wearing a knit cap around the house to keep my head warm. This weekend I will shop for more scarves and other options. I still have hair on the sides of my head and on top, so I can still cover up the back, but it is so thin. Thinking long and hard about just buzzing it off.

Asking for prayers tonight, not for me but my brother's sister-in-law. She is in ICU and is pregnant and can use your prayers. Thank you!

The strands have turned to clumps...

Today was a bad day. The strands of hair falling increased to clumps of hair. When I was getting ready for work my hair would not stop falling out. I cried and cried as I kept pulling the wads of hair out of my brush. I had a kroger bag that I was filling with my hair. It was everywhere. On the floor, on the sink and all over me. As soon as I would get it styled, it would start to clump again and I would have to work more out. I have a bald spot on the back of my head. I am able to cover it with my hair, but I was so self conscience. I have always had thick hair, but now it is super thin. At work, my head was so cold and I could feel the breeze from the ac. It was crazy! Even after all of that hair that came out this morning, I still have a good amount left. Not sure how long it will last. Hopefully I will still have it by Friday. My daughter has been away at camp since Sunday. She has not been here to see the process of my hair going shorter and thiner. I would hate to have to pick her up on Friday with a buzzed head. My mom and aunt went to the store and bought a few different scarfs and caps. They also went to a store to price wigs.I gave myself a pep talk at work. I told myself to snap out it and get a grip. It's just hair, it will grow back. I need to take charge of the situation and stop dwelling on what I cannot change. Now I am just trying to figure out if I should just buzz it off now or wait. Either way I want it to be my choice.

Strands of hair, Everywhere...

The pain is gone! I am so happy that did not last very long, but now I am facing a new challenge. My hair is starting to fall. I have really thick, long hair and I normally shed every day. When I wash my hair or brush my hair, it normally comes out. Now the amount of hair is more and it is coming out more often. After I brush my hair, I have to sweep the floor. I run my hands through my hair and strands just fall out. It's on my pillow, on my clothes. It's in the tub and in the sink. All over my car. And the tears! I can't help but cry when I have to sweep up the strands. I didn't think it was going to be this difficult to see my hair falling. One of my co-workers went through the same thing and told me that I may want to start going shorter. That way I am not seeing long strands everywhere. I was hoping that since my hair is so thick that maybe I would not lose all of it, just some. Not so sure now, seeing how much is falling around me. So I went after work today and got my hair cut and styled. Not crazy short, so not ready for that. Baby steps people. I feel good though and it looks good. At least for now.  When I first heard the diagnosis I kept telling myself , hey if it falls out then it falls out. Hair can always grow back. Losing a head of hair is a small price to pay for a lifetime of happy memories to come.
 But if I do lose my hair, I want to get one of those Jamaican hats with the dreads... :)

p.s. I just wanted to take a minute and thank everyone that has left a comment. They have helped me so much in this process and I am so blessed to have a great support system. Thank you everyone!

Oh the Pain...

So after the appointment with the surgeon I had an appointment with the oncologist to find out what the next step was going to be. We discussed how the margin was cleared and the incision was healing nicely. He told me that we would start with four to six months of chemo and then six to eight weeks of radiation. At first he wanted me to start the chemo that Monday, but he decided to give me one more week of healing. Then I would be admitted to the hospital for the first round of chemo. The doctor said that this mix of chemo is known to work on this type of cancer, so that is where we will start. There are some people that cannot handle this type of chemo, but because I am young and healthy, I should have no problems. The first round will be administered in the hospital and then the others can be done outpatient. The depending on my blood count the next 21-30 days later. I was freaked out. I knew it was coming, but it seemed so fast! I was overwhelmed and scared.

I think that brings us up to date of where I am now. It is a week after my first chemo treatment. I was doing fine until Thursday around midnight. Before then, I was just tired and I had bathroom issues. But no nausea and no vomiting. I was doing so good. I got my shot on Monday and they said that a side effect could be achy bones. But that would be a good thing because I would know that the shot is working. Work has been hard, only because I am so tired. Then on Thursday I went to get my blood work done after work. When registering, the lady gave me a hard time. I ended up crying. Then I got home and had the start to a rough night. Around midnight, my back started aching. Then it slowly got worse. By 2am, I wanted relief. My legs were restless, I couldn't sleep, it was so bad. I went to my mom, who come to find out was still asleep. She got me back in bed and told me to just go to sleep. By 4am I was balling in tears. It would start at my shoulders and it felt like two bats taking turns hitting me all the way down my back to my thighs. And then it would start over. bam*bam*bam*bam all the way down. I couldn't sleep, everything was throbbing in pain. Every move made it worse. I was on the couch trying to see if that would be more comfortable, when my mom woke up. I couldn't stop crying, I just wanted the pain to stop and I was afraid that I was going to have this pain for the next six months. My mom made a desperate call to the neighbor, a stage four breast cancer survivor. She calmed me down and told me it is normal., it is just a side effect from the shot and chemo. She asked if we had pain meds and I had some left over pain pills from the surgery. She told my mom to make me a peanut butter sandwich, give me a pill, have me take a lukewarm shower, change into flannel pj's and get under the covers. The shower made the throbbing go away. The pain meds let me sleep. The next day at work, it took everything to get through the day. I had to take pain pills to get through the constant throbbing. Even my teeth were throbbing! Not to mention the dry mouth, ugh. But I got through the day. The evening was not that good. I went to sleep after I got home, which means I waited to late to eat. By the time I needed to take my next pain pill I didn't have anything in my tummy. So I had to eat first, which pushed my pill out. I slept for a little more, but then when I woke up I was hungry, but the nausea came on in a flash. I didn't even have the time to take the medication. Before I knew it my head was in the trash can. I hate throwing up. Today was better. I woke up starving and have held everything down, though I did take the anti-nausea meds. The pain is nothing like it was Thursday night, but every now and then I get a throbbing pain going down my back. Simple tylenol is helping with that. I slept most of the day but was up in time for church. I prayed for strength to get through the pain...

Round one, almost done...

The second surgery was scheduled very quickly. They said it would be similar to the first and they were just going to go in and remove more surface tissue. I had an earlier surgery time than the first one, so it seemed like everything was moving much more quickly. The doctor came in and explained the procedure which threw me for a loop because in my mind surface tissue meant closer to the skin, not more muscle. They were going to take out more muscle. I knew they said that I would keep the mobility of my leg, I might be slower but I did not expect it to be that much more. I was scared. They came in and were ready to take me back, I didn't get the "margarita shot" until I was headed out the door. Then by the time I was in the OR I was still wired up. They started prepping me and I could feel the anesthesia in my chest. I told them that I thought something was wrong, I could feel it across my face and in my lips. Then I woke up in the recovery room. The healing process took much longer than the first surgery. They left the drain in over the weekend. The incision was much bigger than I expected and instead of using steri strips, they stitched it up. I have never seen stitches on me before. I cried in the shower because I looked like Frankenstein. The drain and the stitches were removed that next week. That was an experience in itself. The best part about that appointment was that they had the pathology report back. They were able to clear the margin and remove all the cancer cells. The tumor was gone. I could breathe again. There was a small "hill" at the bottom of my incision. My leg started to collect fluid and blood. I had to stay in bed for a week with my leg up and warm compresses. I was so happy that the fluid went down and I did not have to get it aspirated.

Today was another emotional day. This is the last bag of my first treatment. It still has a few hours to go. Then they will flush my system out with another bag that will take about 12 hours. Then I will need a shot to help rebuild my blood count. I was mad today. I feel like this is so unfair. I have been in the hospital since Monday and it was only supposed to be a four day treatment. I feel like I have done my time here, I should be ready to go. The night nurses ran the premeds individually and threw off my timing.  My uncle has been texting my all day, trying to make me smile. I talked to two of them today. They had me laughing so hard my cheeks hurt. I pictured myself after my treatments are said and done, starting the rest of my life. Happy and healthy with my beautiful little girl.

She scared the $#!t out of me...

For the PET/CT scan I was a nervous wreck. Louis took me to the appointment. My stomach turned just at the thought of what they might find. A friend of mine told me that it was the best scan to get. It lights up like a Christmas tree where ever you have the cancer cells. We walked to the back to start with the injection. First they have to check your blood sugar and then they inject you with radioactive glucose. You have to be completely still and you cannot talk. If you tense your muscles it will settle there or if you talk it will all go to your throat. They leave you alone for an hour. It seemed like forever. Once they started the machine was not bad at all. Much better than my experience in with the MRI, didn't even need to be medicated to get through it. They let him watch the images as they scanned me. When we were done I asked if he saw a Christmas tree, he said no. I wasn't scheduled to go to the oncologist until the next day. The waiting was horrible. Finally, it was time for my appointment. I was terrified and crying in the waiting room. I wished they would just come out and say good or bad, that is all I wanted to know. It was so hard to read the doctor when he came in to the room. He told me that I had a healthy scan. It was isolated to the leg, and there was very little left. I cried, tears of relief of course. He was certain that another surgery would remove the remaining margin. Then a course of chemo and radiation to make sure that it does not have a chance to spread or come back. I could breathe, but I was still very scared.

Today I woke up after 8am. My stomach felt a little uneasy, but I thought that it was probably because I had not eaten. I hurried up and ordered my breakfast. Once I ate, my stomach felt much better. But then my problems started. You may want to stop here if you do not want to know about the inner workings of my body. But yes, it was bad. I tried and tried but nothing was working. I actually called for help, how embarrassing! I finally heard the nurse at the door with the glove, but that was all I needed. I thanked her and advised that her services were no longer needed. I guess I just need her there to scare the shit out of me. This is how the rest of my day went. I broke my rule with talking through the bathroom door. Today they gave me a file folder to keep up with my paperwork and they gave me the the LiveStrong workbooks. They would have been great to have a month ago when I started my own. I had some awesome visitors from work today, my brother came by. My uncle has been texting me all day, trying to make me laugh. I was finally able to talk to my best friend who just got back in the country. Today I will start my last bag of chemo! Though it sucks that they are getting such a late start. Once this bag is done they will flush my system and my first round will be done!

Getting over the Cancer word

I could not even say that "c" word for a while. My brother told me that a friend of his said that is one of the first steps, to get over the word cancer. I went through this emotional roller coaster, that I did not ask to be on. One minute I would be laughing and then next crying all over the place. I was worried. Worried about my daughter, my mother, my family. Look what I am putting them all through. The first visit with the oncologist was very emotional. I had my mother and my boyfriend with me. I needed support and someone to take notes. The paperwork alone was a huge packet of questions. When the doctor saw me he asked if I knew exactly what we were dealing with. I said no. Liposarcoma is an extremely rare cancer. This tumor was a high grade, aggressive type but it was only less than 5cm. This means that we caught it early. He wanted me to take three CT scans, but I insisted on a PET/CT scan, one of the best body scans that they have. It looks from your scalp to the tip of your toes. Normally it is hard to get the insurance to approve it, but I did my homework and knew that it was covered. When this cancer does start to move it has a tendency to settle in the lungs. But he was fairly certain that we caught it early enough. I was scared. No, terrified is a much better word. I kept trying to smile, I knew that I was going to get through this. I was just not sure how much I was going to have to go through. He said that chemo and radiation, possibly more surgery would probably be needed. We were just going to have to wait for the scan results to come in.

The next day my brother took me to the radiologist. This appointment went much better. The nurses were very nice and explained the whole process. I watched a video that showed the machine and then I spoke with a nutritionist. The doctor looked at my MRI and determined that if they could clear the margin, then I could get a smaller dose of radiation which would be better in the long run. The surgeon agreed. Next step, waiting for my PET/Scan to be approved.

Day 3 of Chemo
The ambien worked great last night. I actually slept, very well. My mom, aunt and daughter should come this afternoon. The medication can attack the neurological system. If I start getting disoriented or confused they have to stop the infusions immediately. So they wanted someone to stay with me during the day. It is also nice that my brother works upstairs. I have about 1/4 of my second bag of the 24 hour chemo left. Hopefully today I can take a shower before they start the next drip and change into some normal clothes. I am sick of hospital gowns and the nurse said that I can wear something normal as long as the can access the port.  I am surprised how well I am taking this. I thought I would be sick to my stomach, but from what I hear that comes later on. So far so good. I am stocked on lemon drops and grape, apple and orange heads but I have not had to use them. When they flush the line you can taste it. This evening I will get my last bag of doxorubicine. It is a small red bag that takes about 30 minutes to drip. Then today and tomorrow another bag of the Ifex. Hopefully I will heal fast so that I can knock this out every 21 days.  That would be so great.

Let's continue...

It is still so hard to believe that I am on my second day of Chemo, but here is a little more back story. I first notice the knot in my thigh in February, but it was misdiagnosed as a hematoma. After it would not go away, I decided to get a second opinion in March. The doctor was amazing, he knew right off the bat that it could be just a collection of fat, but worst case scenario it could be a sarcoma. I refused to google that word for my own sanity. They ordered a MRI and found that it was indeed a mass. He referred me to a surgeon who had a lot of experience dealing with sarcomas. That evening I drove to the church and gave it to God. I prayed that if he could take it from me to please do so, but if it is mine to bear then to give me the strength and courage to get through it. I met with the surgeon and he advised that based on the size and location, we needed to first remove the mass and then order a biopsy. I had my first surgery in April where they were able to remove 99.something% of the tumor. (Pathology requires a 2cm gap between healthy tissue and unhealthy tissue in order to determine a 100% removal.) However, they did have to take some of the muscle. My first day back to work I received a call from the surgeon himself (not good to get a call from him and not his Nurse). He told me that the tumor was cancer. Sarcoma. He said they got most of it out, but that he was referring me to a radiologist and an oncologist who specialize in these. He said that I am young and that after some radiation and possible chemo, I should be good as new.

Day 2 of chemo went well! I am still holding my food down and no symptoms as of yet. Just tired, couldn't sleep. My legs were restless, which apparently I could have asked for something for that. Didn't know...Had a few visitors today, it makes a world of difference. The pre-meds are great, they are really good. The ambien is starting to kick in know. must sleep...

And so it begins...

I was diagnosed with Liposarcoma. It is a very rare cancer that affects only 1% of the adult population. Luckily it was caught very early and after two surgeries and a very healty PET/CT scan later, the tumor was completely removed. Now I have to go through six rounds of preventative chemo and then 6-8 weeks of preventative radiation. They said that I am a very good candidate for the chemo beause I am so young and other than this, very healthy. And these meds are known to work on this type of cancer. But hopefully I will heal faster in between treatments and I will be able to get them every 21 days instead of every 30 which will cut the treatment from 6 months to only 4. Either way, it is still less than a pregnancy!

I checked in today for my first round of chemo. I got here at 11am. They are going to keep me in the hospital for the first week. I made sure to bring a box of Girl Scout Cookies for the nurses. It has made so much of a difference! The nurses are nicer and they hang around to chat about anything and everything. I was so not prepared for today. The doctor only told me that it would be a five day treatment and explained some of the possible side effects. I am down to only a four day treatment instead of a five day treatment. Yay! But they did not tell me that this med can kill part of the heart, didn't expect that. I also didn't expect to be on a 24 hour drip. They said this can change on my next round, but as of now for the next four days I will get this stuff pumped in non-stop. Was absolutely not expecting that. They did not get my port accessed until a few hours later and I was very nervous about that. They gave me a quick educational spill on the port and all was good to go. I made them show me that the port was accessed just to make sure, because my neighbor was not so lucky with hers. The chemo did not come until around 6pm. I was so nervous and anxious to start. My family was here for the start which was nice. The pre-meds went first, then a bag of red chemo and now the 24 hour chemo. I cried when they started talking about what could happen. My daughter lost it and had to step out. I cant believe it is already 10pm. This day has gone by so slow, but fast at the same time. Luckily, I have not had any syptoms yet. I ate a whole tray of food and I could probably eat some more! Getting tired now, maybe I can actually get some sleep tonight...