I cannot believe that I am already up for round six. This has been the hardest journey I have ever been through and here I am. I feel great, well tired, but better than I have for a while. This weekend was good. I fought a low grade fever, but it never went above 99.5. I was in crazy pain Thursday and Friday. Saturday we celebrated my Aunts birthday and I was able to eat an entire normal meal. By Sunday I was back to normal. I even went grocery shopping, by myself which is something that I have not done in months. I shopped, put everything away and made a lasagna for dinner. Though, due to the chemo brain I forgot how to layer it once I started and used way more cheese than I should have. But I felt normal.
I have been so worried about this next round. Hopefully, it will be my last. Then I will get another Pet/CT scan and then I can start radiation. In May when all this was starting the journey of chemo seemed so long! The doctor said that it would be 4 - 6 months of chemo, depending if I could hand the 21 days apart or if I would have to do 28 days apart. The one thing that tore me up was that my Thanksgiving day dinner was going to be ruined because of the chemo. And now that I am coming up to this sixth round, it is hard to believe that I am at the tail end now. I just want my life back, I want to feel normal. I know that radiation will be more hectic than the chemo, but at least my hair will start growing back. I miss my eyebrows so much. I think that I will actually look forward to go to the center on monday to start this next round...
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Hot Flashes suck...
So now the hot flashes have been coming more and more. It feels like I am standing on the surface of the sun. My cheeks get all rosy and I start sweating. It will last for a bit and then of course because I am sweaty, I start getting cold. I can't find that happy medium. It has made sleeping so uncomfortable because I am constantly taking clothes and then having to put them back on. It sucks! I asked the nurse today if that was normal and she said yes. The chemo can make you go into an early menopause. So the hot flashes and mood swings are all very normal. Like I didn't have enough to go through, then something else gets thrown in the mix.
My mouth finally started to feel better, for like a day. It was still irritated from the last round of chemo. Then for most of the day it felt fine. But now it is starting to get a little irritated. It's not that bad, but I know its coming. I feel pretty good though, aside from the crazy hot flashes and being tired. I sleep through the treatment and on the way home. Then I eat and get into bed to sleep some more. Also making sure that I am chugging that water. I don't want to get dehydrated again, so I am really on top of my water this time around...
My mouth finally started to feel better, for like a day. It was still irritated from the last round of chemo. Then for most of the day it felt fine. But now it is starting to get a little irritated. It's not that bad, but I know its coming. I feel pretty good though, aside from the crazy hot flashes and being tired. I sleep through the treatment and on the way home. Then I eat and get into bed to sleep some more. Also making sure that I am chugging that water. I don't want to get dehydrated again, so I am really on top of my water this time around...
Monday, September 12, 2011
Hope Finds you...
After a very scary stay in the hospital, I spent the next week avoiding crowds and hiding behind a surgical mask. Just hoping that my counts are high enough to start chemo on Monday and secretly wishing that I get another week to recover. I slept most of the weekend. Evelyn has been worrying herself sick. The doctor keeps ordering tests and they keep coming back normal. That means that she has stressed out so much that she has given herself acid reflux. Which makes me feel horrible.
I was so nervous today. I told the nurses at the Cancer center about my stay in the hospital. She looked up my labs from last week and was not happy that they let me go with my counts still low. She began to prep me to access my port and we talked about what happened. She told me that it was normal for that to happen, because I am taking a very aggressive chemo. She said that my body is not to be blamed, that the chemo is just very strong and I am already starting my fifth round so it is the accumulative effects. Then she could not find my port. Apparently it has shifted down a little bit. Again, she said it was normal but it scared the heck out of me. She was able to find it and access it with no problem. I put the magic cream on it and did not feel it at all. I waited for the blood work to come back and for the nurse to call the doctor. They said the counts were high enough to start the chemo.
After my treatment, I was starving. I slept through the whole thing. My aunt took me to the 59 Diner and I devoured my food. Guess my appetite is back, because I ate my entire meal. When we were leaving the lady in the booth next to us stopped me. She told me good luck with my treatments and that I looked very pretty. Keep in mind that I have my accessed port showing, no make up and my scarf made out of a t-shirt. She told me that she knew what I was going through and that this is the hardest thing that I will ever have to go through, but not to worry that I will get through it. She is a 10 year breast cancer survivor and she is writing a book. I told her that I have a blog and how it helps to write it out. She told me that I looked really good for what I am going through and I said that I have a nine year old at home that I am fighting for. She was a single mom too when she was going through her treatments. I have been feeling really down the last few weeks and have been trying to think positive thoughts about these last two rounds. It is amazing how when hope seems to be running low, it finds you. This time completely unexpected in a diner across town. I got in the car and was close to crying. She told me that soon I will be the one telling my survival story to someone who needs to hear it. So now with hope renewed, I am ready to face my fifth round of chemo.
I was so nervous today. I told the nurses at the Cancer center about my stay in the hospital. She looked up my labs from last week and was not happy that they let me go with my counts still low. She began to prep me to access my port and we talked about what happened. She told me that it was normal for that to happen, because I am taking a very aggressive chemo. She said that my body is not to be blamed, that the chemo is just very strong and I am already starting my fifth round so it is the accumulative effects. Then she could not find my port. Apparently it has shifted down a little bit. Again, she said it was normal but it scared the heck out of me. She was able to find it and access it with no problem. I put the magic cream on it and did not feel it at all. I waited for the blood work to come back and for the nurse to call the doctor. They said the counts were high enough to start the chemo.
After my treatment, I was starving. I slept through the whole thing. My aunt took me to the 59 Diner and I devoured my food. Guess my appetite is back, because I ate my entire meal. When we were leaving the lady in the booth next to us stopped me. She told me good luck with my treatments and that I looked very pretty. Keep in mind that I have my accessed port showing, no make up and my scarf made out of a t-shirt. She told me that she knew what I was going through and that this is the hardest thing that I will ever have to go through, but not to worry that I will get through it. She is a 10 year breast cancer survivor and she is writing a book. I told her that I have a blog and how it helps to write it out. She told me that I looked really good for what I am going through and I said that I have a nine year old at home that I am fighting for. She was a single mom too when she was going through her treatments. I have been feeling really down the last few weeks and have been trying to think positive thoughts about these last two rounds. It is amazing how when hope seems to be running low, it finds you. This time completely unexpected in a diner across town. I got in the car and was close to crying. She told me that soon I will be the one telling my survival story to someone who needs to hear it. So now with hope renewed, I am ready to face my fifth round of chemo.
A not so happy holiday weekend...
As some of you know, I spent the holiday weekend in the hospital. I started to feel the Neulasta shot on Thursday. That was our first Troop meeting for Girl Scouts. I led the meeting and came back home. Then the next day I was in pain. The throbbing in my back was really starting to hurt so they let me go home early. I got off just in time to stop by the school to meet Evelyn for lunch. I was not able to eat with her because my mouth hurt, but I sat with her. The next morning it started... I could not get warm for anything. Then I took my temperature three times and each time was higher than the first. I think it got up to 101.5 when the oncologist returned our page. He said that he did not like what he was hearing. He wanted me to go to the emergency room and prepare to stay in the hospital for a couple of days. Once I got to the hospital my fever went down a little but my heart rate was racing. My brother works for Life Flight, so of course we were name dropping every chance we got. My daughter even brought a magazine from the hospital that has a picture of my brother and she would tell the nurses, "Look, this is my Uncle." They kicked a guy out of a private room in the ER so that I could have it, which I felt really bad because he ended up on a gurney in the hallway. I had bilateral IVs and they started with blood work and cultures. Then they started pumping me full of fluid and antibiotics. I ended up having a reaction to one of the antibiotics because I started to feel really itchy and I got red splotches. They finally got me up to a room upstairs and it just so happened to be the room from when I stayed for my first round of chemo. The nurse came in and he told me that the ER nurse told him that I was family of Life Flight, which makes me VIP. He was able to take one of the IVs out, because they only needed one. But they continued to pump me with fluids and antibiotics. My nurse was really nice. He reminded me of a younger Mr. Hennip, my daughters third grade teacher. I think he was my nurse for one day the last time I was there.
The next day my cultures were negative but they had to wait 48 hours for them to grow. They also came in to give me a blood thinner because they did not want a clot to form and my potassium was low, so they started me on that. The doctor came in and told me that my red blood count was very low. My level was at a 7 and it should have been at a 13. They were going to transfuse two units of blood. This scared the heck out of me, but it had to be done. I think I was in denial of how bad it actually was, because my echo cardiogram came back normal. By this time my fever was gone. I thought it was all a little overkill. Seeing the blood go in was crazy. I am so used to seeing it go out, not coming in. I was so scared and very stressed out. That night I did not sleep very well at all. The doctor came to see me the next day and he wanted to keep me another day, but the oncologist said that I was ready to be discharged. As soon as I heard that, I was packed up, changed and ready to go. I just wanted to take a long shower, get in my pajamas and sleep in my own bed.
The next day my cultures were negative but they had to wait 48 hours for them to grow. They also came in to give me a blood thinner because they did not want a clot to form and my potassium was low, so they started me on that. The doctor came in and told me that my red blood count was very low. My level was at a 7 and it should have been at a 13. They were going to transfuse two units of blood. This scared the heck out of me, but it had to be done. I think I was in denial of how bad it actually was, because my echo cardiogram came back normal. By this time my fever was gone. I thought it was all a little overkill. Seeing the blood go in was crazy. I am so used to seeing it go out, not coming in. I was so scared and very stressed out. That night I did not sleep very well at all. The doctor came to see me the next day and he wanted to keep me another day, but the oncologist said that I was ready to be discharged. As soon as I heard that, I was packed up, changed and ready to go. I just wanted to take a long shower, get in my pajamas and sleep in my own bed.
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