and so the wait begins

I hate this. I feel sick and nervous. They completely threw me off this morning before my scans. They told me that I was scheduled for a Pet/CT scan and then the MRI. Nope. First up was the MRI. I really hate MRIs. The machine is tiny and loud. I also thought that I was going to get to listen to music but no, they handed me a pair of earplugs. They stuff me into this tube for twenty minutes and then they bring me out to start the IV contrast. So, while he was getting me ready the guy, in a really thick accent asks me, "So how long have you had the mass?" Panic began to set in. I looked at him and asked "So you saw a mass in my leg?? Because I had the mass removed." He began to trip all over his words. I am so freaked out! Why would he say that if he did not see a mass? Then he asked my history. I told him how I had the two surgeries, chemo and radiation. He had no clue that I went through any of this. I am so scared right now. I started to cry. For the rest of the time I was doing the MRI I cried. Then I cried in the waiting room waiting for my next scan. My mom told the next guy what the first guy did and he was so nice and attentive. The scan was a little different because they wanted to focus more on my lungs. They let my mom sit in the room with me.

I couldn't focus after that. Once I left I was just crying. I thought back over the past year of all the surgeries and the pain. The chemo and radiation. All of the heartache that I put everyone through. How did I get through all of it? And how could I possibly do it again? I drove straight to the church. I kneeled before the altar and prayed. I know that if it is His will, I will have to go through it again. But I asked for Him to carry me through it. I could be worrying about nothing right now. It could be just a misunderstanding. Either way I need prayers. I do not see my oncologist until Thursday. Plenty of time to go crazy worrying about the results.