Worried.

My leg hurts. It is sore and does not feel right. I am thinking it is only because my nerves are all upset. The upcoming scan has got me thinking too much. Though, I have been much more active. It feels swollen and sore, but I walked so much this weekend. Praying to God that everything will be alright.

So, I finally found a survivor forum. The original post was made three years ago, so I am not sure how these people are doing now. There are still new posts being made every month though. I guess someone else was feeling exactly what I was and posted that they were looking for long term survivors of sarcoma. It was good and bad reading their stories. So many of them have had to battle it year after year, but 40 years later (and one leg short) still cancer free. But then you get those cases where they found it early, got it out, did their treatments and 20 years later still nothing new. I laughed, I cried - a lot! Many of them posted that the pain does not go away. That they are very active with runs and relays despite having a portion of their muscle removed. They just pay for it with pain and discomfort. I keep reminding myself that pain is to be expected. I mean, come on - they removed my muscle about the the size of a fist. Gone, not there anymore. Of course it is going to hurt. You just do not bounce back from that sort of thing and carry on. It will take time and effort to get back and train the surrounding muscle. I will get there.

I registered for the Relay for Life today. I am really excited for this! I will walk in the survivor lap and I will eventually sign up Mom and Evelyn for the caregiver walk. I also want to light a Luminaria in the memory of my friend that just past. I know it is just a lap or so, but it will mean so much to me to be able to participate in this event with others just like me.